Bury Me

I’ve never felt so low in my life. So insulted.

It feels like I’ve already dug up my own grave and I’m inside it, looking up to the person who is standing with a shovel, just waiting for the time to bury me alive. The reality has hit me so fucking hard. I’m no longer in my comfort zone. Nobody is available to help me back up after I’ve fallen hard. This is when you will know who’s your family, friend, and foe. Everybody will show their true colors. 

My financial crisis is at its worse right now. I’m trying my very best to stay positive and holding onto a tiny shred of hope that one day everything will change for the better. The same hope I’ve had for over a decade. I have no idea why I’m still holding on to that same goddamn hope. I guess part of me still wants to see the day when I could finally say “I’ve fucking won”.

It hurts when your own family is the one that is happy to see you fall. And it hurts even more that the person you love and count on the most is no longer there to support you. It. Fucking. Hurt.

I’ve been listening to some music since I started writing this entry, and I realized one ‘old’ song that I used to listen a lot is very relatable to me now. It’s very depressing because when I was obsessed with this song, I was just starting my life. And I had high hope. I had dreams. Big dreams.

Now I’m just walking alone on the boulevard of broken dreams.

I just want this fucking misery to end. I’ve had enough.

PLEASE. Before I lose it.

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