When college senior Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) steps in for her sick roommate to interview prominent businessman Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) for their campus paper, little does she realize the path her life will take. Christian, as enigmatic as he is rich and powerful, finds himself strangely drawn to Ana, and she to him. Though sexually inexperienced, Ana plunges headlong into an affair — and learns that Christian’s true sexual proclivities push the boundaries of pain and pleasure.
Where do I start? Seriously, where do I start?
Okay, first of all, we all know Fifty Shades of Grey is the most anticipated movie of 2015 and it’s the movie adaptation of the bestselling erotic novel by E.L James of the same title. I always understand that it’s obviously hard to make a movie out of a novel because there’s just too much details in the book that you can’t cram into a roughly 2 hours movie. I always try to separate both as two different things because it would seriously distract you from enjoying the movie if you keep comparing. But Fifty Shades of Grey is different.
I’m currently halfway through the first book. It’s taking me such a long time to read it because it’s so badly written and hilarious. I have to admit though that once you start reading, it’s hard to put it down but boy, the book is definitely “fifty shades of fucked-up”.
It’s about a final year college student, Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) who has to interview the super hot, rich & successful Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) for some school paper as a favor to her best friend and roommate, Kate Kavanagh (Eloise Mumford) who couldn’t make the interview due to sickness. So it’s love at first sight I guess the moment they locked eyes with each other. But it’s not ‘love’ that Christian wants at first, but something darker and strange – he’s into BDSM. So he wants Ana to be his ‘submissive’ (while he’s the dominant) and he’s got the contract and everything but Ana obviously has fallen in love with him, hard. And they fuck, hard. And a lot. And that’s basically it.
Yes, that’s the plot.
The movie is so boring. The chemistry between Christian and Ana is non-existent. There’s no passion between them even though they try really hard. Just complete dullness. The plot is so mundane. Anastasia is just… urgh. She’s so flat and boring. She reminds me so much of Bella Swan from Twilight and how flat her character is and how annoying Kristen Stewart is with her lack of emotion. Oh, guess what? If you didn’t know, Fifty Shades of Grey was originally a Twilight fanfiction. Hah! That explains why the flat character Ana resembles so much of the flat character Bella Swan, huh? They’re basically the same person, only with the names changed. Ana in the movie is so annoying and well, lack the human emotion that one should have. She’s just.. I don’t know. Hmm… and to think, Christian Grey was actually Edward Cullen. Fifty shades of awkward, I’d say.
I still think Ian Somerhalder would’ve made a better Christian Grey. His character Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries is the perfect Christian just like how imagine Christian would be. The characters are poorly developed in the film and have such short screen time that you couldn’t give a shit about any of them including the fact that Rita Ora has only like 10 seconds of screen time.
The movie is so… I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s like they shot a few scenes here and there that they randomly picked from the book and splice them together just so the movie wouldn’t come out as a porn movie instead. Really. Everything feels like short scenes of this and that that contributes nothing to the plot or movie. In another word, the movie would still be the same even just the two of them.
Because admit it, everybody only wants to see the Red Room of Pain and naked Ana & Christian, right?
Yes, there are quite a lot of nudity but they’re not what I expected. If you read the book, it’s basically sex in every pages. But all the erotic scenes in the movie only made me go ‘eh?‘ The movie also expects you to know everything as if you’ve read the book. The book is very detailed, mind you, even when it’s written from Ana’s point of view. So you get all the details and emotion and explanation of everything. The movie? Nothing.
For example, there’s one scene where they have bondage sex, in the Red Room of Pain. At one point, Christian pulls down Ana’s panties, sniff it and actually puts the panties into his jeans’ pocket. After they’re done, the scene cuts to the bedroom where you see Ana waking up. Then the scene cuts again and you see her coming down the stairs, all dressed up to go to Christian’s family dinner. He asks, “You got everything you need?“. In the book, you’d understand he’s asking about her panties because he has it, so Ana is actually not wearing any panties to the dinner. If I didn’t read the book, I wouldn’t understand what he meant because how could I? Obviously you would assume he’s returned the panties to her after the sex, right? But no. In the book, he returns her panties after they have sex (as punishment) in the boathouse but in the movie they don’t have sex after, let alone show him returning her panties. So… what the fuck? Basically, him asking the question to her earlier was absolutely pointless and don’t even make sense. That’s just one of it. Every scenes demand explanation unless you’ve read the book.
The movie’s ending is very anticlimactic. After 2 hours, all I could utter out was ‘WHAT THE FUCK?‘ as the credits started to roll. Despite all the hype, this movie is a huge disappointment and I can’t believe I have to say that the book is better in terms of details considering the book itself is very badly written and already ‘fifty shades of suckiness‘. At least the book has some entertaining email exchanges between Ana and Christian – the only part in the book I find very entertaining. As for the movie, the only good thing is the soundtrack. Their rendition of “I Put A Spell on You” and “Crazy in Love” songs sound so good and sexy.
At the end, Christian just comes off as a woman abuser. There’s nothing sexy or kinky about a masochistic control freak hitting and hurting a woman, mentally and physically. That’s another issue with this movie – one minute Ana is enjoying the bondage, next minute she’s crying and sad. I just don’t understand the movie Ana. Book is different, though.
I suggest watch the teaser trailer. It’s the only excitement you’ll ever get from the movie, minus the nudity of course. Well, unless you’re an old woman who likes naked Jamie Dornan or a guy who likes naked Dakota Johnson. I’m so disappointed with Fifty Shades of Grey as I was really looking forward to this movie after watching how good the teaser trailer is. All lies. And there’s gonna be two more movies.
NOTE: Fifty Shades of Grey is banned in Malaysia, and upon the release of this movie in US theaters, they’ve banned the books as well here. *laughs* A bit too late. And fuck censorship.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (2015)
LDG’S RATING: 2.5 / 5
GENRE: Drama, Romance
DIRECTOR: Sam Taylor-Johnson
STARRING: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eloise Mumford, Jennifer Ehle, Victor Rasuk, Luke Grimes, Rita Ora